Following God's Plan: "Speaking"

For a while now I have been feeling that God is about to stretch me beyond my comfort zone in regards to my testimony and writing. My prayer journal is full of prayers asking God to give me glimpse of His plans and that if I can’t have a glimpse if He could just make sure my eyes and heart are open wide so that I can clearly see His will and plans.

A lot of my prayers focused on my fear that I would miss or be blinded to God’s plans for me. So I began anxiously searching. Yes in my crazy, human mind I thought I could find a clue, a hint of what God wanted me to do next. And then God whispered to me “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalms 46:10).

Such a loving and gentle reminder of who really is in control. It was a reminder that when the time is right God will place doorways, not barriers, along the path for me to walk through. Yes, I needed to remind myself of my favorite Proverbs, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

So for several weeks now I’ve been sitting still and waiting for God’s plans to unfold. And of course, since, for some reason, I love to be anxious, I began to worry that I may be too afraid to walk through the door that was being prepared for me. Honestly, only the Creator of the universe can have enough patience to deal with my constant anxiety! So again, He guided me to His word and reminded me that He “gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). So I waited and clung to God’s word and promises.

Then Monday evening our children’s pastor called me and thanks to the power of call-display I knew instantly that this was the doorway God had planned for me. As we spoke, she asked me if I was willing to share testimony about our church and children’s ministry with our congregation on Mother’s Day. Trust me, 2 Timothy 1:7 was being repeated over and over in my mind.

Now, not surprisingly though, the devil got right to work planting the seeds of anxiety and doubt in my mind. Within seconds he had me convinced that I could never speak in front of that many people. He was quickly reminding me that I have a social anxiety diagnosis for a reason. He was convincing me that I would simply make a fool of myself and that I would do nothing but mumble and babble. He was loudly telling me that I had nothing important or worthy to share. Oh how I wanted to say “no”

But I am obedient to God. I knew instantly that speaking about our church was part of His great plan for me. And once I submitted to His will and said, “yes” I could so clearly see the stepping stones God had placed to get me to this point - I could see His loving hands at work.

These are the stepping-stones that God used to make my path straight:

·      For about 2 months I have had a feeling that I was going to be stretched (my Heavenly Father loved me enough to not just spring it on me!)

·      During that time I have been hearing God gently reminding me that at the very beginning of my blogging journey He told me to, “Speak and Write”

·      When I became anxious and impatient His voice and word comforted me

·      A week ago I mentioned to my doctor that I suffer the most when I forget that my voice has power either through speech or writing (it is so awesome when an off-comment all of a sudden makes sense)

·      My last post about our church was exactly what I was being asked to speak about. (Interestingly, I wrote three different posts that day, but when I finished that one I could feel God saying, “post this one”)

·      Yes my Heavenly Father knows that writing is how I best gather my thoughts and since He knew from the very beginning the plans He had for me, He helped me write before He had me speak. (And I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to write that post without the pressure of knowing that I would also be speaking it)

Yes God through His love, voice and word has brought me to this doorway that I will walk through on Sunday morning. He is stretching me, but not breaking me - I am only speaking for five minutes about a church that I love, and have already written about, before the amazing people that make up our congregation. (Thankfully, He did not choose to plunk me down in an auditorium of thousands for a spontaneous question and answer period!)

So on Saturday night when the nerves and anxiety increase – if for no other reason than my humanity – I will draw upon the power and love of the Spirit that fills me. I will remind myself that, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I pray that, within five minutes, I will be able to glorify God and the church that He so loves and that my love for Jesus will shine so very brightly.

I can’t wait to write the update post!